Inspiration

What keeps me going?
Today I read a posting that asked the collective online group what inspired us to pursue our dreams in the entertainment business... I thought it was a very good question.

My inspiration comes from several places. One: to make my Mom proud of me. Yes, I'm well past the age where my parents are supposed to have an influence, but due to circumstances beyond my control, I am not even near where I wanted to be at this stage in life.

I spent eight years at a company that even though was supposed to be a film-industry job, ended up being a very corporate-centric, profit minded real estate company that just happened to own film stages. During that time, I went through a serious illness, and continued working through some very difficult medical treatments (chemotherapy, specifically). At the end of it all, I, along with all of the other employees, was subject to a four-year wage freeze where no raises were given to anyone, my office location was moved four times, and even though I was very ill I was expected to pack everything up and shift gears without much help, yet still maintain the same level of productivity while going through each move. During this "wage freeze" however, the CEO (and son of the owner) bought himself an airplane, a vineyard, and a jewelry design business, all on the company's dime.

I left that eight year job with this company under very uncomfortable circumstances (see previous entries...), and I am still researching my legal options. I loyally worked through eleven months of chemo AND ONLY MISSED ONE DAY OF WORK and yet I was treated like a piece of office furniture. The remaining employees are still being treated that way.

After leaving that job, I went through some serious soul-searching. It has occurred to me that life is very short (cliche' maybe, but my illness reminded me that it's painfully true); too short to work at a job that you have to psyche yourself up for every morning, and go home at night feeling unappreciated and unnoticed unless you make a mistake.

So I am now pursuing a different career in the film business. I came to LA fifteen years ago and attended the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. Yes, I came to LA to be an actor. And now, after all this time, I am finally striving to at least work in that field. Fame and fortune are not my goal here. Having a job that I love and working at a job I can wake up and WANT to go to is my goal.

In the meantime, I am looking for employment that can offer me "live-on" money, hopefully benefits (I'm in remission, but my regular cancer screens are terribly expensive), and enough flexibility that I can continue pursuing a career as a character actor or voiceiver actor. I am hoping to find a job perhaps as an assistant to a casting director, development executive, or I'm willing to take on a position as a PA or script assistant.

I have an immense amount of experience and knowledge in film lighting and equipment (more than I ever really wanted) as I was the senior manager of the lighting and grip department at the aforementioned company. I'm sure this knowledge will eventually be valuable to me as an actor, but more immediately, I would think it would be valuable to an prospective employer.

In the field of film lighting, I know what it is, who makes it, who rents it, how to hook it up and take it apart, how much it's supposed to cost, who has the best rental rates, and when a gaffer is ordering it just so he can play with the new lighting toy at the company's expense (as opposed to really needing it). I know the inside scoop on the studio and rental house billing policies, and I can save a production thousands of dollars on equipment expenses by working around those policies.

But all of this knowledge and experience is totally useless unless I have something to which I can apply it. And I spent all of this time working in a field I really didn't have an interest in; I just happened to end up there by circumstance. I'm not a lighting person by choice. My illness and other events of life simply put me there and I tried to make the best of it.

So what inspires me, what drives me, is the idea that I can be on the lens end of the camera and do what those people I was aiming lights at were doing. I watched actors every day for years and saw them coming to work smiling (most of them, anyway) and leaving work smiling and eager and energetic. Even if it was a commercial for a loan company, the actors were having a wonderful time. They were working in their chosen field.

I want that. I want to go to work happy. I want to leave work and be excited about going back the next day. Nature has gifted me with a wonderful, deep, musical speaking voice, and I want to use it. I have an expressive, interesting face and I want to use it. I have unique life experiences that are written in my eyes and in my mannerisms, and I want to be able to use them to entertain, to inform, to make people FEEL something... to give them an escape from their lives or to make them laugh, cry, THINK. The same way that actors gave me that gift when I was sick and afraid and watched a movie to get away from it.

That's what inspires me.

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Oops. Waxed on for too long on my soapbox, there, sorry. But this is my reality. This is my soul here, for all of you to read.

The cancer put a time limit on my life expectancy. I'm in remission, but the truth is that I probably won't make it to 60. And I don't want to spend the precious few years I have left working my rear end off at something I don't love for someone that doesn't appreciate it. I mean, I will if I have to. I've done it before. But there's so much more out there that I can't help but think if I work really hard I can have a little bit of it, you know?

Is that too much to ask?

Need a new photographer

Taking rejection well....


Okay, the headshots were a complete wash. Out of 40 photos, only this one was even remotely worthy of being seen in public, and that was after two hours of digital touch up to tone down the black sludge around my eyes. It will work for now, but I will definitely have to get them done again.

However my voiceover demo was quite a success. I have six well produced commercial spots that I feel highlight my voice quite nicely. Now I need to figure out how I will have CD copies made. I have a couple of options, and it just comes down to cost, really. I could send the master to a CD-duplicating lab and have them run off copies. They would create labels and case covers and it would look polished and professional. Expensive, though, and there's a minimum run of at least 100 copies. If I make any changes to my demo or to my information (like get an agent or something) then I'd have to go through the whole thing again every time.

I could burn copies myself on my Mac and create labels with a CD-Stomper. That would be the most cost-effective way to do it, and I could burn only as many copies as I would need for any given mailing. If I wanted to make changes or rearrange the content, it's easy and there would not be any wasted CD's lying around. But that would also be quite time-consuming as I can only burn one copy at a time, then print the label, stick it to the CD... on the other hand, it also frees me up to try different types of media, such as the little mini-CDs or the new business-card shaped CD's.

I think I'll try a test-run and burn a few on my Mac. then I can take a day and drive all over LA and drop them off at selected agencies and see if I get a bite. I can save a few to mail off in case there's a voiceover casting call somewhere, too, and see if I can drum up some jobs on my own. If I can manage to land a couple of jobs, then that will give me some more content for my demo, as well as put some money in my pocket.

I've actually been quite industrious lately. I created an acting resume and posted it on the Backstage.com's resume section. There's a zillion of them in there, and unless someone is specifically looking for a 30-40 year old redhead with green eyes that sings alto, chances are it probably won't get a lot of hits. But it's there, and I can send a link to anyone via email, and that means if there's an online casting notice, I'll pop off a note and a link and see what happens. If you'd like to take a look at it, you can click on the link at the bottom of this page. Let me know what you think. Be brutally honest. I can take it.

On the other job front, things are looking pretty grim. I was actually turned down for a store manager position at Starbucks. Here's what they said, "Thank you for taking the time to submit your profile for the store manager - San Fernando Valley position. We have carefully evaluated your profile, and while your qualifications are impressive, regrettably they do not meet our present need for the store manager - San Fernando Valley position."

Is that joke or what?? I spent eight years managing the entire grip and lighting department at a motion picture studio, and they don't think I can "meet the present need" for a Starbucks??!! Can someone tell me what the heck that's all about? I'm so insulted, I could spit. If any of you work at the Starbucks corporation, please, by all means, tell me why someone who's intelligent, educated, and experienced isn't suitable for managing a Starbucks retail location. Or better yet, give me a freaking job at the corporate level so I can find out for myself.

Well, kids, it's off to CompUSA to pick up some blank CD's and a label stomper. If anyone is interested in hearing my demo, drop me a line.

The Photo Session

Mr. DeMille...?


So yesterday I went and had a photographer take my headshots. I took the chance and splurged for a makeup artist, as I have no experience with photography makeup. I have mixed feelings about the results, but then I did go bargain-hunting and answered an online classified ad from a photographer that was "creating a headshot portfolio" so he could expand his business. The ad was for $40 headshots (the makeup artist was $100). I suppose I deserve what I get because you know the old saying... ya get whatcha pay for.

The makeup artist apparently thought I was auditioning for "Pirates of the Caribbean 2" because she rimmed my eyes with heavy black eyeliner. Even the photographer said it needed to be toned down, but by the time she rubbed the excess off with a makeup sponge, my eyes had turned into a bloodshot mess. And I still looked like Norma Desmond waiting for her close-up.

I brought a few changes of clothing to try different necklines and textures (all dark colors, at the photographer's instruction), but he ended up picking one grey turtleneck and only shooting me in that. He said it would cover any neck wrinkles from turning my head this way and that. I was disappointed. I have a nice neckline and cleavage, and I would have like to have gotten at least a couple of shots that showed that off a little bit.

The session itself was underwhelming. He had me tilt my head to one side then the other side, then back, and every single shot he would say "fresh smile... give me a fresh smile." That meant I should relax my face from the last smile and then plaster a new one in its place. So he took about 40 shots of me looking sideways, my black-rimmed bloodshot eyes crinkled at the corners and slid ALL the way to one side or the other and smiling like I was selling dental floss.

I peeked over his shoulder as he uploaded the shots from the media card into his computer (PC with Windows XP... I should have run screaming right then and there). From what I could see of the thumbnails, what I just described above is exactly what I'll be getting. I can only hope that the photos turn out better when they're full sized. I suppose I should consider this a $140 lesson.

This morning I was chatting with a friend, and she told me that her boyfriend took the headshots of another working actor we know. NOW she tells me. Here I could have saved myself $140 and half a bottle of Visene.

Next week I have booked a studio to do my voiceover demo. The engineer emailed me some pieces of commercial copy to work on. It's really boring. My husband has a friend that does stand-up comedy, and I am hoping that he will be able to write some funnier copy to record. I don't want to have a demo that has the same six commercials that everybody else has. Maybe if I have something that gets a laugh from a casting agent, that will help my demo stand out.

The point of all of this is to simply get some work. I know... I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday... I know how hard it is to break into anything even resembling acting. But after spending fifteen long, hard years sitting behind a desk and killing myself for some corporate committee that doesn't care beans about me, I have to at least try and do something that I enjoy. Life is too short to work at a job you have to psyche yourself up for every morning. I'm still looking for a "real" job and submitting my resume to anything that has the word "manager" in it.

Although bartending is sounding better and better.