Run of Bad Luck

Pick on somebody else for a while!


THIS IS TURNING INTO A BAD MELODRAMA.

Yesterday my husband crashed his car. He's okay, but his beloved Passat may be a total loss.

Some lack-wit stopped in the middle of oncoming traffic in the midst of making a left turn. He just stopped -- claimed he heard a fire truck coming. He was in the middle of a major intersection, and as he got halfway through his turn across the lanes of opposing traffic, he just stopped, blocking the oncoming left lane. My husband was IN the oncoming left lane, maybe 20 feet away going straight towards him, and had no time to swerve or stop. He plowed into the guy's pickup. I don't know what kind of damage was done to the guy's truck, but our Passat lost it's entire left front end. There were engine parts falling out. The headlight was completely gone and God only knows where the bumper parts and license plate landed. The hood was smashed up into the windshield and it was bleeding all sorts of fluids out of the huge gash in its front end... it was awful. I don't know if it can be fixed. What kind of idiot just STOPS in the middle of oncoming traffic when he hears a siren? I mean, if you hear a siren coming, make sure you stop in a safe place in your own damn lane, for heaven's sake.

What is going on? I lose my job, then my car gets smashed by some moron who can't merge, and now this. Now we have no cars. Mine isn't done yet -- although I should be able to get it Monday (I hope so -- I have another interview on Tuesday morning). And the insurance company of the loser that hit me is playing stupid games. They now claim (after two weeks of not returning phone calls) that they cannot determine fault on the accident (the other driver lied) and have offered to pay half of the estimated costs determined by their investigator. That comes to about $385. My actual repair costs came to $1100.

And if I hear the word "overqualified" one more time, I'm going to lose it.

Something has to give. I no longer have faith in my resume -- I've dumbed down my educational references, because I think my Masters is too intimidating. The film industry is going through some weird times and right now none of the major studios are hiring people in my field. But when I try and apply for jobs in other areas, that WORD comes up and they don't call me back. I've begun looking for jobs in non-industry fields, even though I've spent the last fifteen years working in film and TV. I'm still working on the dimmer board operator training, but it's going to take some time before I feel accomplished enough to seek work there. And now we have no vehicles so I may have to put the training on hold until we're mobile again.

We have begun discussing the possibility of moving away from Los Angeles to get out of the bad traffic and the overcrowded conditions. Maybe the Northern California or Oregon coast -- or Tacoma or Seattle. I could be happy running inventory at the Starbuck's corporate offices or maybe working as a production coordinator at Lucasfilms. If we could find a place near the ocean so I could spend my weekends clamming and raising tomatoes and culinary herbs, it might be nice. The cost of living would be a lot less, and the slower pace might be good for us all the way around.

But that's something that would require serious plans, not to mention a good nest egg to fund a move of that magnitude. We both agree that we absolutely don't want to settle in LA, but we're really not ready to make the move. We wanted to wait at least until my husband had a script in production.

In the meantime, we need to find a voodoo spell to get rid of this run of bad luck. Come on... somebody just give me a damn job.

Paying my Dues

They say this builds character...


My husband's bug has evolved into full-blown flu. He's miserable, and today I felt terrible leaving him alone while I went to my interview at the camera company.

But I have to say it was a great interview. The place looked well-run and was buzzing with activity. The facility itself was very nicely appointed, with lots of lovely wood accents and furnishings and great, old 1930's glam photos of old movie stars, mixed in with one-sheets of current films. The HR manager was a doll, and we had a wonderful interview before she turned me over to the VP of marketing for my main meeting.

The VP was a younger (mid-30's?) man with a casual demeanor and he was very personable. He seemed genuinely impressed with my skills and experience, and we traded anecdotes about mutual acquaintances and amusing moments in filmmaking. He reminded me of my old supervisor at the studio, who left for greener pastures a few years ago. I really missed him when he left; the guy they hired to replace him had no visible sense of humor and was not very pleasant to work for. The warehouse guys called him the "little gestapo."

The VP told me right off the bat that I was vastly overqualified for the position that was offered. I hate that -- I prefer to think of myself as "flexibly skilled" or "diversely talented." Overqualified sounds like I'm either trying to get a job that's beneath me, or that they think they can't afford me. After working at the studio for eight years, they'd be surprised how little I will work for. And I'm of the firm belief that no honest work is 'beneath' me -- it's collecting unemployment that's really humbling.

He seemed pretty excited about the prospect of pushing the company's possible plans of creating a lighting division and mentioned that I would be the ideal candidate to head the creation and development of the new department. I'm all for that -- but I did say that in the meantime, it would help me to be hired right away so I could learn the company's processes and learn more about the camera equipment itself. Since I've been working in grip and lighting for the past decade or so, I know little if anything about camera gear and would sincerely benefit from being exposed to something new.

June 24, 2003

I am getting to hate the word "overqualified." The camera company has not gotten back to me about my fantastic interview. I even sent the obligatory "thank you" to the HR manager and the VP guy, but nothing. I did get a call today from a previous interviewer and he said that he was vastly impressed with my qualifications, but they "aren't hiring right now." However, he did ask me out to lunch. What's up with that?

I decided that I would expand my areas of knowledge and have signed up for dimmer board operator training. I start Thursday, the 26th. A gaffer friend of mine mentioned that there is a woeful lack of dimmer board operators in the union, and that if I got my certification, I would become a hot commodity and would have enough work that I'd be turning jobs away. From his mouth to God's ears. I'm actually excited at the prospect of learning a new skill, and especially one that will put me in the thick of things rather than in some office where my only contact with production would be over the phone. I love being on set and dearly missed interacting with the crew and talent. I am hoping that I will catch on quickly and can become a relative expert in short time.

Well, back to the job boards.

Sheep roll call

INSOMNIA

Another Monday. My husband seems to have caught the local summer flu bug -- probably from the gym. All that hot, moist air and people sweating all over the equipment. I'm spoiling him with tea and soup and movies. As much as I hate it when he's not feeling well, it's actually a nice change from the job hunt. Makes me feel useful.

Last week I went to visit a good friend who's working as an electrician on a TV show. I spent the afternoon chatting and I ran into a lot of crew people I knew. It's dawned on me that I should be visiting people and making 'the rounds' rather than relying on email and phone calls. Voicemail and email are too easy to ignore. While I was there, I ran into an old boss of mine from years ago -- I'm supposed to call him on Tuesday and see if I can set up a meeting for possible employment. I remember they had profit sharing, and that was pretty sweet.

I also got a call on my cell while I was there for another interview with a camera company on Wednesday. I don't know a whole lot about camera gear, but then ten years ago I didn't know anything about film lighting and I picked that up reasonably quickly. Maybe things are finally starting to look up -- I still don't have any solid offers, but at least I'm starting to get more bites.

I also sent in another submission to the BIG studio for something that I am WAY over-qualified for. It's in the commissary -- and everybody on the whole movie lot eats there at least once a week, from the lowest production assistant to the highest-paid actor. I figure if I can get the job, I'll either be managing the commissary within a couple of months, or I will be able to make some good contacts and get a better position by smiling a lot and networking. I hope I get a call from the recruiting people. I hope they can understand that I am willing to take a lower position just to get a job there. The BIG studio is still my big Brass Ring, and even serving lunch to film crews at the commissary is a foot in the door for bigger and better things. It might be kind of humbling after being in management, but I'm not afraid to pay my dues all over again. I hope they can see that.

11:59 pm

Minor interruption... My husband is bedbound and wanted to play Otto Matic on my iBook. I can never get past the first level on that, but it's silly and makes me laugh. My husband, on the other hand, is a computer game whiz.

A good thing happened late last week -- the unemployment people apparently couldn't find anything to refute my statement that my termination from the studio was a result of a personal vendetta and I therefore should be able to collect benefits, because my first $370 check arrived. So that's one little victory, anyway. (I wonder if I can use this as evidence in the defamation of character and wrongful termination lawsuit...?) I can at least keep up on the minimum payments on my bills without interruption. It's a small load off of my mind, although it's less than half of what I was earning before. I'll have to be especially frugal. I am not having taxes taken out of my unemployment checks, either, so I really hope I find work soon. Otherwise it will completely mess up my income taxes. More than they are already, that is.

Another good thing -- the auto accident investigator that the other guy's (the guy that hit me) insurance company sent to take a look at the damage on my poor little car mailed me a copy of his report. It arrived on Saturday. It states in black and white that I was hit from behind square on, and therefore they are liable and responsible for the repairs on my car. Not only that, but it nullifies the guy's false claim on my insurance that I was a fault and changed lanes into his car. So there. The claims adjuster from his insurance has already mentioned something about totaling my car -- it's a 1973 Superbeetle and not in the Blu-Book anymore -- but if they decide to do that, I'll just collect the money and have it fixed anyway. It's only the rear bumper and fenders... and maybe the rear apron. Cosmetic only; my mechanic says there was no damage to the engine or the frame (remember, old Bugs carried the engine in the rear). I just want it fixed and back home... it's been at the shop waiting for the insurance people to get off of their butts since the beginning of June. The accident was back in May, for Pete's sake.

I've been driving my baby for over 20 years and this is the very first time it's been hit. Broke my heart. I love my car. It has over three hundred thousand miles on the same engine and it still runs like a champ, and before this accident, it still looked like one, too. I'm not ready to retire it just yet. After all this time, it's almost like a pet, now. There were no dents before this, and no rust, either. It got regular oil changes and tune-ups. I've had the same mechanic for almost a decade. It has even been used as a "picture vehicle" on TV and in magazines. So I'm not about to let it go. It still has a few more hundred thousand miles left.

1:27 am Tuesday, June 17, 2003

Insomnia. We decided that I should sleep in the guest room tonight so as not to expose myself to my husband's bug any more than I already have. My immune system isn't what it used to be after having cancer. Although I have a lot of trouble sleeping separately from him. Lately I've been having trouble sleeping anyway... I wake up ten times a night in a panic, my heart racing and my mind whirling at a million miles an hour, thinking about what I need to do or who I should call next. Or worrying about bills, or if I will have to pay out-of-pocket to get my car fixed and then hound the insurance people for reimbursement, or if I'll get a call for an interview, or will I have to hound them, too. Or thinking about my old job and wishing there had been a way that I could have seen it coming. I miss my office. I had a fish tank. It was really nice.

Wow. I just realized that since I lost my job a month and a half ago, I've averaged about three hours of sleep a night. That can't be healthy. But then, neither is looking at an iBook screen this long.

Goodnight, all.

The Letter

Venting Time...


So today, after I went through the job listings and applied for whatever I could find that I thought might suit me, I sat down and wrote the following letter. I don't know if I will actually send this letter, but I do feel better having written it. I guess the pouring out of all those thoughts and emotions is therapeutic, at least to a point.

(The Studio's real name has been omitted to protect the innocent and avoid potential lawsuits.)

"Dear Studio Owner and CEO;

"Please let me start out by telling you that this letter in no way is an attempt to get my job back or otherwise sway The Studio's decision to terminate my employment.

"That having been said, I do feel the need to speak my piece. I am devastated by my dismissal from The Studio. Because of the actions, exaggerations, and fabrications of a vindictive, supercilious person or persons, an honest woman's entire career has been destroyed. It will take a very long time for me to repair the damage that has been done to my emotions, my self-esteem, my ability to trust; my whole system of beliefs and principles has been irreparably broken. I am suddenly faced with the knowledge that honesty and hard work have no value anymore.

"The real loser in all of this is The Studio. My career may be gone, but I will eventually find another job. However, The Studio has lost a truly honest and dedicated employee. I sincerely cared about my job, the company for which I worked, and especially the people who worked alongside me. I genuinely was concerned for the welfare of The Studio and dedicated myself to try, every day, to do the very best job I could and always hoped for a positive future, both for myself and for the company.

"When the previous Studio President first hired me eight years ago, I told him that I was looking for my career; I was looking for the company from which I would eventually retire. I truly believed that The Studio was that company. I wholeheartedly wanted The Studio to be that company. I was prepared and willing to ride out any hardships, and hopefully contribute to and celebrate the good fortunes and victories. I spent eight years working as hard as I knew how to try and help make those good fortunes a reality.

"But I have learned that hard work and honest dedication are no longer valued as they once were in this world. I have learned that the only people that seem to get ahead are the ones that lie and cheat and violate other people's integrity for their own selfish gains. If this is the case, then I guess I am destined to lick the boots of those who would step on me, because I will sell my soul for no one. I refuse to hurt anyone as I have been hurt, or to damage anyone as I have been damaged. Because of this, I may never become a great success, but then I will always be able to face myself in a mirror without wanting to look away.

"In the end, I can only hope that some lesson can be learned from all of this. I can only hope that as an employer, you will know that you have the honor of having a precious few very talented and loyal people working for you, and they should always be regarded with the highest of esteem.

"I don't know if I will ever see you or speak with you again. I am not sure if I will find another job in the film industry, or even, at this point, if I want to. This experience has cast a shadow over my optimism, and has soured any joy I may have ever had for my work. I am sure in time, I may regain some of my confidence, but I don't think I will ever be quite the same open and candid person I once was. And that is really the worst injustice of all -- I have been permanently scarred by this, and I feel as if I have lost something within myself that I valued very greatly.

"But please know, I was an honest, forthright, and truly dedicated employee. And although I have been deeply wronged, I bear no ill will to you or to The Studio. I sincerely hope for you all of the success and happiness you may desire. I will miss my job, and I very much miss the wonderful people I had the honor of working with. I wish all the best to all of you.

"Respectfully yours,
Yada-Yada.. "

So like I said... it feels good to put all of these thoughts into words. But should I send it? I need an opinion on this -- would it do more damage than good? Or is it a compilation of truths that an employer needs to hear (and not enough people have the brass to say)? I would really like to hear your thoughts on this.

Highs and Lows

As the Stomach Churns

Yesterday was my birthday. A nice break from the reality of the job hunt roller coaster. Drinks and oysters and a movie... dinner and jazz. It was a good birthday. My husband is an angel and I really don't know what I'd do without him.

Today brought Monday and the World came crashing back in. The BIG studio finally called this morning, and the recruiter said they'd "gone with someone else". I wanted to ask why, what did I do, what didn't I do, was it something I said, was it something I didn't say...?! I wanted to throw up. I thought I had a really good chance to at least get a second interview. Darn. I really wanted that job. Chances are they took someone who was in the union already or maybe someone moved over from another department. But it still hurts. And now I'm back at square one.

I was on the phone with a friend the other day and he said that with my smoky, low voice, I should be in radio. Great! Where do I sign up? I have no broadcast experience except one summer internship at a radio station in the early '80's creating and filing sound byte cartridges when I was a dumb teenager, but I listen to the radio here in LA and some of the on-air "personalities" don't seem all that articulate. It's can't be that difficult. And I do have a great phone-sex voice. That should be worth something, don't you think? I actually know a couple of radio people, and I know for a fact that one of them got his first job in radio solely because of his booming, deep voice. And now he's a TV news guy, so stranger things have happened. Anyone out there got any ideas or contacts? Anyone?

I'm at a loss. I'm starting to exhaust my job resources and the listings are all starting to look the same. Of course, the fact that the studio fired me right when all the major TV shows are on summer break doesn't help -- most of the studios are dead slow right now and won't pick up again until late July or early August. But I can't wait that long. I have bills and expenses that don't go on hold just because I'm out of work. Besides, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm a total workaholic, and I can't stand not having somewhere to go and something productive to do every day. It makes me feel as if I've been cut adrift. I've been blessed (or cursed) with a heavy-duty work ethic, and this situation is making me very uncomfortable.

Maybe I'm maudlin today because it's all gloomy and overcast, or maybe it's that post-birthday crash. I'm still waiting to hear from the auto insurance claim people about my car -- I've left messages, but you know how claims people are. I could just strangle the guy that hit me -- he said at the scene he didn't want me to contact his insurance company because his premiums would go up. As far as I'm concerned, that meant he was admitting to the accident being his fault. I would have been fine with that, but he wouldn't return my phone calls, so I had no choice but to call his insurance company. And it wasn't until after I had a claim started that he suddenly decided that I changed lanes into his car, and then he called my insurance company and made a claim of his own.

Lately all I seem to be doing is trying to cover my butt and defend myself against other people's lies.

Oh, well. Back to the job hunt. Suggestions or offers are welcome.

Brain Loogies

Time flies... unless you're broke


It has now been over one full month since I was fired. This morning I had breakfast with my best friend (who still works at the studio and keeps me up to date on gossip and the fallout of my absence). She brought me a birthday card that was from the GM at the studio. I was initially touched. I didn't expect the GM to remember my birthday -- heck, with everything going on, I almost forgot about it. But then I thought that it was a pretty lame gesture. She's the freaking GM of the company... if I was valued enough for her to remember my birthday, then why didn't she do anything to fight for me? She has to know that my dismissal was a sham. So if she's feeling that guilty about it, then a birthday card is a poor excuse for not at least giving me a severance package. After eight years. Great employee relations, that.

I know I should move on, but I was WRONGED. That fat, bleached-blonde, walking heart-attack creep of an IT manager LIED about me, and he got me fired under false pretenses. I can't just let it go. I want restitution. I want JUSTICE. I will not go quietly.

I have $140 left in the bank. My health insurance "COBRA" payments will be $977 a month if I decide to continue on the company plan. The HMO is much cheaper, but why pay for something that offers no real coverage? I'm a cancer survivor, and the quarterly tests they run on me aren't covered by the standard HMO. My oncologist isn't even on their "list" of "approved physicians." And to top it all off, the studio is contesting my unemployment insurance claim. The are trying to deny me a measly $370 a week so I might be able to eat and pay my phone bill while I pound the pavement looking for a new position. Injury, meet Insult. Misery loves company, and I'm sure you two have lots to dish about.

And speaking of pounding the pavement, I've emailed or faxed over eighty copies of my resumé to every advertisement and lead that even remotely looks like something for which I might be qualified. I'm bloody executive material, darnit. I have fifteen years of hard-core experience in the film industry. And nobody has the decency to even call me back, even to just say "no thanks" or "you're overqualified" (I used to at least get that much...). Whatever happened to common courtesy and good manners? I have not received one response. I leave voicemail messages, and nothing. I leave messages with secretaries and assistants, and nothing. Not even a return call after I've had an interview. I always perform the required "follow up" call or drop an email thanking them for their time. I even sent a handwritten postcard to the BIG studio that granted me an interview last month. I was taught to be polite and professional. Am I the last one left? Or are these people so full of themselves that they figure they don't have to bother unless they decide they want something from me?

I've also noticed that my colleagues and old friends in the business have suddenly become quite scarce. I placed at least fifty phone calls to some of my more valued vendors (all of which used to praise me for my efficiency and professionalism) to let them know I was no longer at the studio and that I was available for immediate hire. Now all of a sudden it's as if I've contracted leprosy. It seriously makes me wonder if the studio is spreading rumors about the details of my dismissal. I mean, the film business is a lot like a small town -- everybody knows everybody else's business and what color it is, to boot. And if the studio folk are mentioning details, oh, boy, is that illegal. They're allowed to say I was dismissed, but that's it. Anything else can be considered slanderous and a defamation of my character. Even if it is a pack of lies, it could hurt my chances of obtaining a new position. As it is, it's already jeopardizing my chances of collecting unemployment, and that's bad enough.

But none of my old colleagues are calling me back, so I can't just simply ask them if the studio is spreading dookie about me.

So all I am left with is the "help wanted" ads in the Hollywood Reporter and the umpteen "entertainment jobs" listings online, the employment web pages of the major studios, and any leads my few remaining friends might hear of on the rather unreliable industry grapevine.

I have $140 left in the bank... I need a miracle

The Saga Begins

I've heard keeping a journal can be good for the psyche... so while browing through .Mac, I realized that I had the tools for a great venting forum right before my eyes. So it begins...

It's been a crappy last few weeks -- on May 6th, 2003 I was fired from my job at the studio, after eight years of being a truly loyal employee. I don't even think they realize just how loyal I really was. I mean, I went through eleven months of chemotherapy while I was there and in that time I only missed one day of work. If that's not a team player, I don't know what is.

I am positive it's a personal vendetta from the IT department head. He hated the fact that I didn't genuflect when he blessed my department with his presence, and he really hated the fact that I actually had the audacity to question his decisions and offer an opinion that was different from his own.

I found out (totally by accident) that he may have received a kickback on a piece of software that he advised the company to buy. The software itself is not very stable and has a lot of problems, but since he's on the Executive Committee, he managed to get corporate to force us to stop using the older, but functional, system, and use the new one without any transitional period whatsoever. We users were asked to keep track of any glitches. But every time I sent in another "glitch report" (and there were many) he apparently took it as a personal affront to his authority. I heard later that he had been trying to get me fired for some time, perhaps as long a two years, at least according to my immediate supervisor (but not in front of any witnesses, unfortunately).

He took advantage of the general fear and lack of knowledge of computers that is the norm at the company; he told them that I had installed an unauthorized Zip drive and downloaded some file from the Internet that allowed me to hack other employees passwords and steal their files. Both of these accusations are lies -- the same guy that got me fired for the Zip drive actually suggested that I buy one about two years earlier. They had sent a memo telling all employees to remove any personal files from the main server, and he actually came into my office at that time and TOLD me to get a Zip drive for that very purpose.

The downloaded hack accusation is nothing more than total bunk, and a complete fabrication. From what I've learned since I was fired, it's apparently virtually impossible, unless one has access to a multi-thousand dollar Unix computer and a LOT of time on their hands. Yes, I did have a folder on my computer with other employee's documents inside, but every one of those documents was either emailed to me by the person who owned it, or it was CREATED by me as a favor to the other person. Several people asked me to help them with their resume, one guy asked me to help him write up some legal documents pertaining to his child custody battle, I wrote letters to the DMV and to insurance companies for people... I always saved copies in case the other person lost theirs. But I'm sure that our IT department head omitted that little detail when he put in the demand for my dismissal. Nor were any of the files' owners asked about the documents, either.

My husband and I have been exploring our legal options, but so far the attorneys we have spoken to have agreed that even though I have a valid complaint and that the studio people are obviously in the wrong, they won't take the case on because it won't get a big enough settlement. Had I been sexually harassed or discriminated against, then we'd have a different kettle of fish. I might be able to get a defamation of character ruling, although we think it could still be a discrimination suit because other people have non-company hardware and software on their desktops, but none of them have been reprimanded or fired. So far they have singled me out on having hardware that was not purchased by the company, and if I can get a few people to testify, then that would be a valid discrimination complaint.

At any rate, I am looking for a new position. So far there's been only a few bites and no real offers, but I'm trying to stay optimistic. I had a couple of interviews in the last week that seemed promising. And I'm getting some nice gardening done.

Wish me luck, though... the film biz is a little slow right now since it's the summer hiatus (and reality TV is killing the industry). I may have to take a job in another field, although after doing this for so long, I wouldn't know where to start.