Remember to lock the bathroom door

Here's another silly thing I came across online that made me laugh. And I thought my cat was weird.

Sum of All Years - 6

First Grade. I don't fit in.

Something in the air

It must be the change of seasons. I think I go through this every four months or so, because the season changes, but my life doesn’t. I woke up this morning thinking, “You work, you work, you work, you work, you work, you work, you work, you work, you work, you work, you work, you die. Please tell me there's more to life than this."

My work lately consists of dragging myself to a cube farm to work for an enormous corporation that pretends to care about its employees, but in truth only wants to get as much labor out of them until they totally burn out or die at their desk from stress.

I must be doing something wrong... I have friends that are working commercial, theatrical, AND voiceover actors and have agents, but none of them seem to be willing to arrange a meeting with their agent for me. Don't know why. I'm a marketable voiceover artist with credits. Plus, I’m sorta cute, in that 40-something, MILF kind of way, in case any on-camera opportunities come along.

If the tables were turned, I'd go out of my way to help them. I won’t say any names, but if any of you are reading this and recognize yourself, then shame on you.

Same thing goes for the people out there that know my husband’s a screenwriter, know what genre he works in, know producers and directors that do films that would be along those lines, and yet won’t lift a finger to help us get a pitch meeting with these same producers and directors. I mean come on. These people are allegedly “friends” of yours. This is how deals are made in Hollywood… “It’s who you know.” Well, you people know those people, and you people know me and my husband. Do I have to spell it out?

Again, if the tables were turned, I'd go out of my way to try and get these people together because something really good could come of it.

I know. Get off of the pity-me wagon. I don’t want pity. I want networking contacts. I want after work drinks and meetings. That’s how most of my ‘working actor’ friends got there. They met someone through someone else, who got them a meeting with that agent that got them an audition with this casting director… and now they have recurring roles on TV shows and national spots running during NFL games.

Okay, folks… you’re supposed to pass the good karma on.

And thus ends my Fall 2006 rant.

This made me laugh

I'm not really a fan of the show, but there's something about a good running gag (especially when the butt of the joke is in on it) that just cracks me up. See for yourself.

Sum of all Years - 5

Kindergarten. Other kids can’t read?

Men are now completely unnecessary!

(News Link)

A team of scientists in Germany have made artificial mouse sperm using stem cells, and created seven baby mice without the benefit of a male mouse's... er... contribution.

This could mean that all we need is an electric blanket, a step-stool and a vibrator and we'd be all set.

Of course, we'd have to come up with new, easy-open pickle jars and some of us would have to learn about car mechanics. But in light of this scientific breakthough, that shouldn't be all that difficult.

Imagine never having to deal with the seat being up in the middle of the night. Or your mother-in-law thinking that you're not good enough. Or dirty socks on the floor right next to the hamper.

No more Monday Night Football.

No more corporate glass ceilings.

No more bedcover wars. No more Internet porn!

They might be on to something, here.

iPod Case Reviews

Hey -- something different...

After reaching the ripe, metabolism-destroying age of 40, I decided that it was time to incorporate an exercise routine into my daily life. So I packed my gym bag with the necessary clothing, shoes, reading material, and, of course, my trusty 3G iPod.

I realized very quickly during my very first workout that my iPod was awkward to simply carry (especially in sweaty hands), and setting it on the little reading shelf of a cardio machine was a dangerous idea. At the very least, it could easily fall off. It became apparent that a case of some kind was necessary. In my search for the perfect gym iPod case, I have been disappointed numerous times, and I have yet to find the right combination of form, function, and comfort.

At first I used a fanny pack to house my iPod. This was convenient because I could also carry my keys, some lip balm, and my headphones. The belt of the pack was also a nice place to hang my gym towel. However, I found that it got in the way when using a rowing machine or recumbent bike, and it would irritatingly bounce around when I was on the treadmill or elliptical trainer.

I then got a basic holster-style belt-clip for my iPod. It keeps the iPod controls accessible; however again, it interfered with recumbent bicycling and rowing, because the iPod was sitting right where my legs needed to bend at my waist. Also, many of my workout pants don’t have a belt to speak of and the iPod clip often slipped loose from the elastic waistband, sending the iPod flying, holster and all.

More searching found a happy yellow Marware SportSuit Sleeve neoprene case (www.Marware.com) that not only had a removable belt clip, but it also sported a small loop on the back in case I wanted to hang my iPod around my neck. This offered my iPod considerably more protection from impact (as well as moisture). However, if I wanted to adjust the volume, switch playlists, or otherwise change any other iPod settings, I would have to unplug the headphones completely in order to open the Velcro flap closure and take the iPod completely out of the case. This was not an easy thing to do while working out on a Precor elliptical trainer, and I often ended up juggling my iPod around in an attempt to not drop it, or nearly losing my balance and falling off of the exercise machine. I also found that using the lanyard loop, although better than a belt clip, made my iPod bang against my sternum incessantly during any sort of cardio workout.

My next attempt was an XtremeMac arm band case (www.xtrememac.com), with a see-through window for getting to the iPod controls. At first, I thought that my search was over… but soon after beginning my workout, I realized that my sweat was making the neoprene arm band stretch just a bit, and the case began slipping down my arm. I tightened the Velcro closures, and within fifteen minutes of working out on the elliptical trainer, I felt my arm start to throb as if I was having my blood pressure tested, and my fingertips went numb and began to turn blue. Fearing an brain-bound armpit blood clot, I quickly took the armband off and hung it on the handrail of the machine. Shortly after that I went to adjust the volume on my iPod, and found that the plastic window had stuck to the front of my iPod, rendering the touch-wheel virtually useless.

I have yet to purchase another form of iPod restraint, however several Google searches have unearthed something called iPod Pants and iPod Shirts. These workout clothing items are manufactured by Mari Dade (http://www.maridade.com) and incorporate a special iPod pocket that is sewn into the garment. The pockets are located in very strategic places (on the left arm of the shirt, and on the side hip of the pants) where the iPod will not interfere with body movements or otherwise impede working out. They are available in many fashionable colors, and the flap pocket has a small opening to accommodate headphone cords. My biggest complaint is the price tag ($92.00 for the pants and $96.00 for the shirt); I am also concerned that they would create the same problem regarding iPod control access that the Marware SportSuit Sleeve case displayed. But Mari Dade seems to have the right idea, price tag notwithstanding… since so many people rely on their iPods or other portable music devices to motivate them through the drudgery of a gym workout, why haven’t more athletic clothing manufacturers jumped on the electronic device bandwagon and started making gym clothes with appropriately placed pockets?

In the end, I am still rotating between the fanny pack and the happy yellow neoprene Marware Sportsuit Sleeve, depending on what clothing I’m wearing and which workout I am doing on a particular day. I did find two pairs of workout pants at a local outlet mall that had back pockets large enough to hold my iPod and also a zipper with which to keep it safe, and they have been added to my regular gym clothing roster. They’re great for the treadmill and the elliptical trainer, although having the iPod in a butt pocket is still awkward (plus they’re completely useless for the rowing machine or bike for danger of sitting on my iPod), it’s still a step up from having my circulation cut off by a sweaty neoprene arm band.

Sum of all Years - 4

War with brother began.

It makes the world go 'round

I’ve been supremely busy lately at my day job (ick) – as well as doing voiceovers and hosting the “IHN-Independent Horror News” podcast on iTunes (yay). So I apologize to you readers that have been checking my blog and not getting anything new.

In light of that, I have decided that it’s again time for me to push for a raise. I’ve been composing a letter to the Powers That Be at my day job. But first, I thought that if I draft my rant FIRST, and get all of the sarcasm out of my system, then maybe I will be able to create a letter that’s professional and concise and not snide. So here’s the rant:

“Dear Mr. and Ms…., et al;

I have come to the realization that I have certain materialistic needs and desires. There is a house in Malibu with a pool and a cleaning lady in my future, however I'm questioning whether XXX is the employer that will provide the financial security I need in order to obtain these goals, and with good reason.

A year ago I was told by (unnamed boss person) that I was being considered for an "undetermined" management position. That never happened. In November of 2005, I received a review that was so glowing it was almost embarrassing... but no raise. I have since taken on additional responsibilities, and yet, still no raise.

Now, while lip service makes a person feel a little better at the time; once one realizes that's all it was, it ends up leaving a rather sour aftertaste.

It is currently my responsibility to myself and my family to ensure steady financial gain and provide insurance benefits and other living essentials. I am married to a writer. Now, while my husband's profession has nearly unlimited earning potential and I support his creative enterprises one hundred percent, he and I both know that it is not by any means a secure or reliable manner of income.

I am beginning to acknowledge that my current position with XXX has very limited earning potential, and that I have quite possibly hit the concrete ceiling that separates the "below the line" employees from the upper ranks of management. It's not clear to me at this time as to when or if I will make the move up, even though I believe that I have earned my way into management consideration and that I am very deserving of that status.

At my current position and rate of pay, I am getting by. But I want to get ahead, as well as substantiate my goals and my full potential. I would like to give XXX the opportunity to help me in that pursuit, and my personal preference would to be to continue working and growing with the company. At the same time, however, I am actively investigating all possible resources outside of XXX, and I must inevitably take the path that best suits my needs. I feel that my extreme attention to detail and my advanced multi-tasking skills are a highly valuable commodity in today's business world, and I am confident that any employer would find these skills worthy of appropriate compensation.”

Now that I got that off my chest, I can begin the REAL letter that I will actually send. However I AM getting really weary of corporate lip-service.

The Friendly Skies

Just when I was almost over air travel woes... I was sent on an unexpected cross-country business trip for my day job. It was silly -- I was originally supposed to attend a meeting across the continent via conference call but the client decided at the 11th hour that it would be better if I attended in person. So before I could blink, I was confirming travel and hotel arrangements from LA to Florida. Sixteen total travel hours (airplanes and airports) and two night's stay in a hotel for a three-hour meeting... Thankfully, I was able to make my own plans, so I could choose my own preferred airline, departing airport (Burbank or LAX) and times, as long as I was fresh and ready for the meeting.

Two days before I was scheduled to leave, my husband's so-called "business partner" (lip service just so he could get my husband to do the dirty work and not complain) decided that he wanted out of the venture and was planning on selling the business lock, stock and barrel. It threw my husband into still yet another tizzy of uncertainty, stress, and fear. It's still not totally resolved, but here I was, getting ready to leave on business when he needs my support the most. Timing is everything.

So Tuesday morning I get to Burbank (now called Bob Hope) airport. My flight is on time and there are no problems. The flight to my connection in Denver is uneventful, and we land in Denver a few minutes early, which will give me about an hour to eat and hang out before I catch my connection to Florida.

However... once we're landed, we simply sit on the runway. After a few minutes, the captain comes over the speakers, saying that there seems to be a bit of a backup at the gates, and there's no room for us. So we sit. And sit. For 45 minutes. When we finally are allowed to taxi to a gate, I see the planes lined up three deep, like a grocery line at rush hour. It took forever but we finally got to a gate, and then I had to sprint through the airport to a different terminal to catch my connecting flight. I barely made it. So much for eating -- I didn't even have time to hit a bathroom.

The hotel room was glorious -- there was even a washer/dryer in there (warm towels!!) and I was exhausted, so I grabbed a bite to eat and basically passed out. The meeting was a whole two hours (all this for a 2 hour meeting), and I still had one more night in Orlando.

The next day I got to the Orlando office and got some work done. My Orlando colleagues and I took the client out to lunch. On the way back to the office where I was to pick up my luggage and go to the airport for the ride back, I got to see the most amazing thing... the Pluto rocket (the launch of which had been postponed for two days due to bad weather) rose up out of the horizon right in front of us and began its fifteen-year trip to the plant Pluto. It was beautiful, and I got to see a little moment of history unfold right before my eyes. It made the whole trip worth it.

Now for the trip home. I was supposed to go from Orlando to Denver and then to Burbank. No such luck -- Denver was in the midst of a lovely January blizzard, and the ticket people determined that my outbound flight to Denver was SO late that I would have missed my connection in Denver (as if my connecting flight wasn't late). So after much debate, I ended up on a standby flight from Orlando non-stop to LAX. Have I mentioned that I HATE flying in or out of LAX? But that's all there was, so I called my husband and gave him the bad news that instead of picking me up at the relatively calm and easy Bob Hope airport, he'd have to pack a meal and drive in circles around the LAX arrivals area until I located my luggage and was able to find him.

Lucky for me, I was the first in line for a standby seat -- the flight was packed and only two of the standby people got seats. Had I been five minutes later, I would have been stuck in Orlando for another night. But I got onto the flight and it was reasonably uneventful. And most importantly, I got home.

But I sure hope I don't have to fly anywhere for a while.

Happy freaking New Year

Catching up...

Well, happy new year. A bit late, but I've been busy. After we got over the flu, my husband had what he describes as a "meltdown"... kind of like a mental breakdown. Stress and anxiety, but multiplied to the point where he was nearly incapacitated. He's on a low dosage of Zoloft, now, and is stabilized, with the help of weekly therapy sessions. It was rough for a while, though. It was difficult to leave for work every day because I was afraid he'd just sit on the sofa all day, rocking back & forth. Sometimes he did. He went through periods of such extreme and illogical self-doubt that I'd have to talk him into some semblance of functionality every morning before I felt that he could handle me being gone all day at work.

He started improving and we went to see my family and some friends in Denver for the holidays. It was still a bit touch & go -- he had no interest in food or eating, but we'd all been looking forward to his amazing cooking for Christmas dinner. In the end he outdid himself, but I spent a lot of time in the kitchen at Mom's house with him, helping out and cheering him on.

Getting to Denver, however, was another story. First of all, I must say right now that neither my husband nor I have any intention of flying on America West (America Worst) Airlines ever, ever again. I have, in fact, transferred whatever frequent flier miles I had accrued to another airlines and closed my AW Flight Fund account. So suffice to say that it was an awful travel experience.