Never having taken piano lessons... I didn't tell my Dad I loved him often enough... I should have walked away from the altar when that voice of doubt whispered in the back of my conscience so many years ago... I wish I had opened an IRA account about 10 years earlier...I know these are all things I cannot change, but I do reflect on them from time to time. I like to think I've learned from these events (or rather, non-events) from my life. I would like to think that if I ever find myself in a similar situation again, I will have the wisdom to choose a different path.
My father has been gone since 1992, but I have been mindful to call my mother as soon as I get in my car every night after work, and make sure I tell her I love her (and mean it) every time we speak. I try and keep in regular contact with my siblings, which is a challenge sometimes, but Mom once told me one of her biggest fears is that once she's gone, we won't talk to each other any more. I know people who lost touch with their immediate families when their parents passed away. Not for any particular reason; they weren't at odds with each other or fighting over anything. They just kind of drifted apart. They would see each other at family funerals. I don't want to be like that.
So tonight I pack a bag and tomorrow, Christmas Eve, I will fly to spend Christmas with my Mom. My older sister is there, too -- we will cook and laugh and stay up late. I can't stay very long because of money issues, and I have to be back at work on Monday, but for two days I will enjoy the other girls in my family.
And as I do every time I go home, on the flight back to LA I will feel sad and wonder if that will be the last time I'll ever see my mom.
